Why You Need This Book
One way or another, every guy out there is going to create “wows” for the woman he loves. You can either do it now or you can do it later—after your relationship self-destructs and you’re starting over with someone else.
And if it sounds like I know exactly what I’m talking about, I do. I was married for eighteen years to a wonderful woman who created the “wows” in my life. I recognized the value of those “wows” and built a series of highly successful businesses using these principles. Ironically, I didn’t make the effort to use them at home.
Now I’m divorced and living alone. Instead of “wowing” my wife, I’m supporting two households and driving back and forth between them to see my kids. As part of that process, however, I spent some time figuring out what went wrong and what I could do to make sure it never happened again—to me or to anybody else.
So what exactly is a “wow”? First, it’s something special that makes her say “wow.” The “wow” doesn’t always happen immediately—sometimes the best “wows” come when she has a quiet moment and says “wow” as she thinks about something you’ve done.
The best “wows” also are unexpected. For instance, if she expects roses from the florist you always use on her birthday, pick wildflowers instead and deliver them in person. If you always spend date night with the same group at the same restaurant, take her to the beach with a bottle of champagne.
“Wows” are the conscious creation of an experience sincerely planned to make her happy, instead of waiting for a moment that demonstrates your love and appreciation to magically occur.
“Wows” aren’t necessarily expensive —what’s important is that they break the routine a relationship can slide into over time. You’ve heard the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Going outside the box to do something unusual is vital to keeping your relationship fresh and interesting.
The process of “wows” is important, too. Even though diamonds will almost always get you a really great “wow,” one stand-alone gesture—no matter how expensive—doesn’t get you very far in creating the habit of “wowing” the woman you love. That’s the point of the 52 Wows concept—if you consciously create a “wow” every week, you’ll also be creating a habit that’s truly life-changing. (And while the long-term goal is to create a unique experience every week, it will probably make you feel better to know that creating even a dozen “wows” a year is probably ten times more successful than the average person who’s been married five years.)
And finally, “wows” shouldn’t be created with the implied or explicit expectation that they’ll be returned. You will get much more back than you ever expected, but if you go into it expecting immediate returns, the “wows” won’t be as wonderful for either of you.
Beyond those five points, the definition of a “wow” is anything that makes her say “wow.” That means you’ll need to personalize the “wows” in this book to the woman in your life. But while the “wows” will be different for every woman, they work, no matter who you are.
Why 52?
The core of the 52 Wows concept is creating an environment where “wows” are part of your weekly routine. Doing something once a week—like washing the car, mowing the lawn, or going to church on Sunday—makes it a much more important part of your life than the things you do every once in a while, when you feel like it, and when you have a little extra time.
The long-term purpose of 52 Wows is to create good habits, so you don’t have to rely on good intentions. If you create a “wow” at least once a week, it will become second nature to show the woman you love how much you really do love her.
In the beginning, before “wows” become habitual, you’ll need to include them on your to-do list, every day, kind of like making an appointment with yourself to exercise until it becomes something you automatically do. The suggested “wows” in this book aren’t listed in any particular order, even though they’re numbered. Pick whichever idea seems most comfortable for you, and then try to stretch your comfort level over time. As an example, you might feel perfectly comfortable buying a new CD by her favorite artist and putting it in her car. Once you see her reaction, you might feel a lot more comfortable about drawing a card or reading her poetry. (We’ve also included a special section in the back of the book with ideas for holidays and anniversaries.)
And while you need to make “wows” a priority in your life, you can’t let them become routine, because then they won’t be “wows” anymore. It sounds like an oxymoron, but it really makes sense: Routine is a killer of “wows,” because even a nice routine is nowhere near as nice when it becomes something she expects.
For instance, if you make coffee every morning before she wakes up, it’s become part of your routine. She just expects it to be there. On the other hand, you can turn the routine into a “wow” by buying her favorite hazelnut-vanilla coffee beans, and serving a fresh cup in bed with the bagel she loves best and maybe a fresh-cut rose or a small vase of wildflowers (some people call them weeds, but you can find a few in most backyards).
Old-fashioned courtesies can go a long way toward making even the most successful businesswoman feel special to the man she loves. Open doors for her, particularly car doors. When you go out to dinner, make sure the waiter or waitress takes her order first, even if they ask you first. When your food arrives, offer her the salt and pepper before you use it. Wait until she starts to eat before you do. If she needs to use the ladies’ room, walk her there and then wait for her to walk back. She’ll say “wow” and you’ll feel special for just a little bit of extra effort. There’s an awesome boomerang effect, too, and you’ll feel incredibly good about yourself too.